Ah the best laid intentions. I was going to climb Ben Nevis today for the first time. I was up at 5am, packed my bag, donned my hiking boots, opened the door to rain.
Its been three hours and the weather forecast still claims it’s dry outside. Ah well. There goes my good day of fitness. And productivity. I really shouldn’t have let my mum put the tv on. But tea and lounging is just an inescapable reality of being at home.
I’m thinking about the biology behind cherry blossoms. There are several trees outside of my building that have just begun to bloom and they are beautiful. Cherry blossoms have always been the quintessential signifier of Spring to me. In three days they have gone from baron trees to fully blooming beauties and I am eager to do research on what triggers this. What about this very specific day has an entire grove of trees instantly blooming. Why does it not happen several times a year? The climate can’t be that unique. I rather wish I was still in high school so that I could go and ask my Biology teacher, but independent study is far from a bad thing.
For now, however, my curiosities will lay in wait until my first cup of tea is finished.
“I’m through accepting limits
’cause someone says they’re so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I’ll never know!”
This morning’s cup of Earl Grey is sponsored by Wicked, one of my absolute favourite musicals (though that list might be slightly too long to be considered meaningful). It was rather pleasurable to wake up with song lyrics stuck in my head, instead of to-do lists. Despite having gotten so little done yesterday, my mind needed the respite.
I did not expect to hit a bump in the road so early into this Uganda project. I didn’t consider that since I’d previously already had Koha installed and set up for me, the process of doing so would be quite beyond my technological capabilities. It is a rather large bump in the road but hopefully, with some outside help, it won’t be the rapid end to our project.
Sadly, my to-do list isn’t shrinking as of yet. The fact that I have just turned on my Xbox will not really help either. But I could use a little bit of time off before diving back in. Time off have been a rarity these last few months, so some guilt-free Fallout 4 is more than called for I’d say.
I woke up thinking about lists. Specifically my to-do list for this weekend. Naturally, after such a rude awakening, I needed tea. After all, that overflowing Moleskine of notes and thoughts and general ramblings won’t take care of itself. Now I’m contemplating student accommodations. The logistics involved in negotiating toilet roll for 6 girls. So simple, so disastrous. (1. Buy more toilet roll). I can’t wait to be out of halls and into my own place. It must be a sign of my control freak tendencies that I’m looking forward to being in a place where I can have full control over my environment (and the state of my cooker). Mostly, I’m looking forward to having someone there to make me tea in the morning, because you can usually measure my level of exhaustion by the number of attempts I make to put the tea bag in the sink instead of the bin.
At least today is a duvet day. Also an extremely busy one, but I am in perfect proximity to my duvet and my kettle so I will manage. Also, they got mad at me the last time I tried to take my duvet into the computer lab.
I’m thinking about drag queens. As you grow to know me and my ponderings, you will likely find that this is far from an uncommon thought. I happen to absolutely adore drag queens. My current thoughts, however, stem from two places (and I haven’t the foggiest which – I can rarely track the pathways of my incohesive thought process). Firstly, a new season of Ru Paul’s Drag Race has started. I can’t get my fill fast enough, so I’m deliberating between my position as a noble information professional and a Drag Race addict and contemplating seeking at ‘alternate’ means of watching All Stars (the only seasons I haven’t yet watched). The info professionals and morally righteous among you will be happy to note that I have risen above illegal online streaming and am instead watching Riverdale on Netflix…again.
Firstly, a new season of Ru Paul’s Drag Race has started. I can’t get my fill fast enough, so I’m deliberating between my position as a noble information professional and a Drag Race addict and contemplating seeking at ‘alternate’ means of watching All Stars (the only seasons I haven’t yet watched). The info professionals and morally righteous among you will be happy to note that I have risen above illegal online streaming and am instead watching Riverdale on Netflix…again.
Secondly, I am thinking about my metadata conference…also again. And likely for weeks to come. But more precisely, I am thinking about the presentation given by Nicola Osborne on Digital Footprints and how a collection of drag queens won the right to not have to list their legal names on Facebook. There are a million and one reasons why this is such a wonderful achievement (which succeeds even my capabilities as a writer and general person with a concentration spectrum).
So this evening, my cup of chamomile and spearmint is in honour of drag queens across the world. Stay Fabulous hun-ty!
I’m thinking about Koha. I’m contemplating the idea of being completely out of my depth in my undertakings. I’m thinking about perseverance. I’m thinking I’m thankful that IR Fest provided hot water and teabags alongside their pre-brewed tea. But mostly, I’m thinking I’m out of my depth. What’s weirder? I’m excited by it. I have 101 ideas and nearly as many projects. All with no sense of giving up in a hurry. I want to do it all. Research all my ideas. Apply for all my dream jobs. Print all my studies. It’s impossible, but as I sip my rapidly waning cup of tea (and mourn the pitiful size of the coffee cups provided) I contemplate all my ideas. Contemplate what may get dropped when interest laxes or time simply becomes too tight. Contemplate what I’ll likely cling to with bleeding and weary fingers. So I contemplate Koha. How I will download it onto my laptop. How I will teach another to do so. How I will teach this person halfway around the world to build a library.
How? How? How?
I only have one answer so far. But its the most important one. Perseverance. Perseverance, determination, and tea. The rest will come…likely with my next cup of tea. But until then, I contemplate Uganda.
I don’t think you ever really get over your fear of firsts. I don’t mean the major firsts, like sex or leaving home or maybe even marriage. I mean the small, every day firsts. That first day of classes, the first time crossing the border by yourself or, in my case, your first metadata conference.
Because this is my second in 3 days and, honestly, I’m still a little terrified. Not in any distinctive way, like a phobia of spiders or clowns (I really do hate clowns!) but in discreet, internal ways that only come from being thrust (even willingly) out of one’s comfort zone.
Even though my first one was beyond successful, I am still scared to arrive today. Scared that I’ll be judged for being new, not welcome among well-seasoned peers. But that’s what’s so fascinating about fear. 9 times out of 10, it’s purely irrational. I have never been in such a welcoming or inclusive community as librarians and information professionals. But still, there is fear. Fear and nerves and embarrassment.
Thankfully, I expect it now. That’s one of the joys of firsts. That when you get to seconds and thirds, you slowly learn how to handle it. Maybe you don’t stop ever being afraid. Maybe it only stops when one day you realise you’ve grown comfortable in this environment. It’s happened to me before. Fear of starting new classes, new jobs. But suddenly, after an indescribable amount of time, I’m comfortable. I’m more present.
However, that won’t be today. Today, I’ll have my morning cup of soothing Earl Grey and follow in the footsteps of the late Carrie Fisher.
“Stay afraid, but do it anyway.”
Tea Stains and Notes in Margins 